I gave blood for the first time today. I don't really know why I haven't done it before. Perhaps the time was right, that is all. I signed up for it a couple of months ago on seeing a National Blood Service wagon in Princesshay. I remember Esther being worried about them taking all my blood, and of her mild terror at the prospect of meeting the mascot Billy Blood-drop....

 After a phonecall on Friday from the blood service people, I was booked in today at 10.35. A little bit later after form filling, blood iron testing, and water drinking I was in a reclined chair, needle in my arm donating claret. Squash and biscuits followed to help with lightheadedness. Spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze, but feeling proud and happy knowing that part of me is out there doing some good.

Old, New, Borrowed, Blue

Me and Mr S are going to a wedding today. I have a feeling it is going to be quite a fancy one! I have never quite understood why the preparations can get to such a fever pitch, and how they can get so expensive. I have been to a few weddings that have been so carefully, and so beautifully, organised it left me dizzy. Apparently, some women plan their weddings from their girlhood! This to me is astonishing! I knew that I would like to get married, but I never really gave it a second thought. I knew I wanted certain things, but the idea that someone could spend years trawling through wedding magazines planning, designing, and searching for the perfect dress/ invitations/table centrepieces etc is just plain bonkers!

We have been married for nearly 4 years now. I only had one request and that was that we marry in June. The reason for marrying in June came from one of my favourite movies - Seven Brides For Seven Brothers. I have adored this film since I was a girl. I just loved the idea of "...if you marry in June, you're a bride all your life". A girlish romantic me?!


Our wedding was very us, very relaxed, very smiley, very simple. Of course we planned it, but on thinking about it, it didn't feel stressed and fussy. From our first meeting we talked about getting married in Las Vegas. But all things considered, including a young daughter and my Dad being heartbroken if he couldn't walk me down the aisle, we decided on getting married here. I'm so glad we did. It was the best day! The weather was glorious. Our wedding car was delicious, I could just about get my petticoat in there. We even had a surprise Elvis! A fabulous day.

A Pirate's Life for Me!

What is it about pirates that is so fascinating? Why do they call to me in such a strong way? I have wanted to be a pirate ever since I was a girl. I remember being completely absorbed by the adventure, the romance, the language, the swashbuckling and attire in pirate movies (yes, films with pirates in them, not something dodgy bought from a carboot sale....) This will explain the stripes and skulls in my wardrobe.



Yesterday we went to the Brixham Pirate Festival. It was like coming home! The harbourside was filled with all things pirate! This included pirate babies, pirate dogs, pirate grannies in electric wheelchairs, pirate policemen, pirate music, pirate parrots, pirates on stilts, juggling pirates and more tattoos, cutlasses, flintlocks, tankards, eye patchs, bandanas and scurvy knaves than you could shake a stick at! Most excellent!



There were some fabulously authentic looking pirates. The 'costumes' were phenomenal. I could almost hear rigging creaking and smell the salty tang of the sea just looking at them. Actually, I could hear rigging creaking etc, and as we were by the harbour....but you get my meaning!



I had a very interesting chat with a ship's surgeon. He had a rather gruesome assortment of surgical equiptment used on board for repairing the crew. The biggest medical problem faced in a battle was splinter shrapnel from bits of ship blasted to smithereens by cannon fire.



I mean, what's not to like about Captain Jack buying his whelks?



Or pirate lunch?



Arrrrrrrrr!

Trying to find enough blue...

There seems to be a lot of weird stuff in the air at the moment. Lots of people are feeling it. Everything feels strange and the world isn't right. It feels like I am going slightly mad, and I know to be alert when there is trouble in the headspace. Once I find an explanation for the peculiarness I'm ok. Now, let's see if I can quantify this and make it make sense huh?

Autumn is coming. The thought of the months of darkness ahead fill me with dread. I usually love autumn once it gets underway, the colours and smells are fantastic. The hedgerows are stuffed full of fruit and berries. I don't like the short dark days and cold. Christmas ugh. New year ugh. Ok, enough of that.

Esther will be one very soon. I can't believe her birthday has come around so soon. Her first day at nursery is on wednesday (1st Sept.). This feels horrible. The thought of not spending the whole day with her feels incredibly weird. I can't imagine not being with her. I know I did the same with Ruby, and I know I felt the same, but time helps and smoothes the feeling over. This is fresh.

I go back to work on the same day as Ruby starts school. My shifts have been tailored to fit in with the school run. I am really looking forward to going back. I know things will have changed a little, what with 'politics' being as they are. I just hope it doesn't interfere too much with the business of book lending. I am not worried at all about Ruby starting school. It will be so good for her. The dropping off and picking up will be a bit of a faff, but so nothing.

As usual, money is a worry. I'm doing slightly less in hours at work and Esther doesn't get any nursery vouchers. I couldn't believe how much the fees were for her first month. I don't think our nursery is anymore expensive than others, but wow! I have no idea how I will be able to live as well as pay fees. It would be better financially if I didn't go back to work.

Super P is very poorly at the mo. I hate it when he is sick. He's got what I had, something a bit Noro-ish.

For inspiration I have been looking through some recommended blogs. The craft ideas, the houses, the recipes, fabrics, flea market finds etc.... truly, they are fabulous. But in all honesty, how the hell do these women find the time to craft and cook and be? Their lives look so picture perfect and magazine polished, it's incredible. I end up feeling so demoralised.

So - kids, work, money, poorly husband and general ick. No wonder things don't feel so great.

I am trying to find enough blue sky though. Every now and then the Universe sends me a little gift just to kep me from capsizing. Yesterday evening we were watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein Prom, the performance of "Bali Hai" was wonderful.

Oooooh! Lookee! New background 'n' stuff!

I will be trying to post a bit more regularly. There is stuff I want to remember in words. But erm, now isn't the time. Lil Miss E is destroying the lounge, including ripping the covers off my magazines. Thank heavens she hasn't got to the Vanity Fair with Mr Robert Pattinson on the front....

I keep trying (and failing) to find time to write. I really need to find a space to order my thoughts, to free up some headspace. As usual when I turned the laptop on to write today, Esther woke up. Mind you, we were having a nice snuggle on the sofa. Her rocker obviously doesn't compare to nestling with her mama. Anyway, Super P is baby wrangling and Rubywoo is playing with her princesses, so we are here!

Esther is nearly 10 weeks now. She smiles like an angel and my whole being thrills when she does it. She has the most beautiful bright big eyes. Her vocabulary has increased to coos and giggles, even her cries have expanded their range too. Some of them really do me in! Her hair is still standing on end! It just won't lie flat : D In the light it has the most incredible red colour to it, not ginger, but auburn red. Titian would be in fits. Her fingers and toes are exquisite. Tiny and perfect and deliciously soft and pale. I really am in love with her!

The breast feeding is still going well. I am SO thrilled. It does really tie you to your child, but that's hardly a problem. I really want to get back into my underwires though!! My shape is so different without them. For the most part nursing bras are a bit rubbish. Thank heavens for Dani and her Bravado uber bras!

Esther is in her nursery now. It looks so cosy in there now with the chair. It's a nice place to be in in the middle of the night for a feed. Me and P have the bed to ourselves at long last. It is taking a bit of getting used to! Mind you, both of us are too knackered to do anything but sleep!

Ruby is still being tricky and high maintenance. It helps to stand back a little and look at the reasons why. Good on you BabyCentre!

Erm, time up! There is only so much someone without boobs can do with a hungry baby.

Lil Miss Esther is 6 weeks old today! Feels like longer, but in a strange timeless way. I suppose it's because of the 9 months being pregnant. She is coming along wonderfully. Lots of lovely burbling, wriggling and smiling. She is almost rolling herself over too. It's quite silly to be so thrilled at these tiny things, but fabulous too : )

I'm still feeding her myself too. I am chuffed to bits about this. I'm not quite sure how long I'll do it for. I do miss my underwires though!

I feel better in myself than I did with Ruby. I'm very tired, but there isn't that empty haunted feeling. The meds are already sorted so I haven't had that horrendous fight uphill.