Trying to find enough blue...

There seems to be a lot of weird stuff in the air at the moment. Lots of people are feeling it. Everything feels strange and the world isn't right. It feels like I am going slightly mad, and I know to be alert when there is trouble in the headspace. Once I find an explanation for the peculiarness I'm ok. Now, let's see if I can quantify this and make it make sense huh?

Autumn is coming. The thought of the months of darkness ahead fill me with dread. I usually love autumn once it gets underway, the colours and smells are fantastic. The hedgerows are stuffed full of fruit and berries. I don't like the short dark days and cold. Christmas ugh. New year ugh. Ok, enough of that.

Esther will be one very soon. I can't believe her birthday has come around so soon. Her first day at nursery is on wednesday (1st Sept.). This feels horrible. The thought of not spending the whole day with her feels incredibly weird. I can't imagine not being with her. I know I did the same with Ruby, and I know I felt the same, but time helps and smoothes the feeling over. This is fresh.

I go back to work on the same day as Ruby starts school. My shifts have been tailored to fit in with the school run. I am really looking forward to going back. I know things will have changed a little, what with 'politics' being as they are. I just hope it doesn't interfere too much with the business of book lending. I am not worried at all about Ruby starting school. It will be so good for her. The dropping off and picking up will be a bit of a faff, but so nothing.

As usual, money is a worry. I'm doing slightly less in hours at work and Esther doesn't get any nursery vouchers. I couldn't believe how much the fees were for her first month. I don't think our nursery is anymore expensive than others, but wow! I have no idea how I will be able to live as well as pay fees. It would be better financially if I didn't go back to work.

Super P is very poorly at the mo. I hate it when he is sick. He's got what I had, something a bit Noro-ish.

For inspiration I have been looking through some recommended blogs. The craft ideas, the houses, the recipes, fabrics, flea market finds etc.... truly, they are fabulous. But in all honesty, how the hell do these women find the time to craft and cook and be? Their lives look so picture perfect and magazine polished, it's incredible. I end up feeling so demoralised.

So - kids, work, money, poorly husband and general ick. No wonder things don't feel so great.

I am trying to find enough blue sky though. Every now and then the Universe sends me a little gift just to kep me from capsizing. Yesterday evening we were watching the Rodgers and Hammerstein Prom, the performance of "Bali Hai" was wonderful.